After a month of focus on how relationships affect your physical health, it's time to address the MOST IMPORTANT RELATIONSHIP you will ever have, your relationship with yourself. Self-love is a trendy term tossed about in hashtags and social media posts daily. Thanks to an insight from one of my favorite podcasts, Manifestation Babe by Kathrin Zenkina, I realized how little some of us may understand it.  Self-love, true self-love, is one the most important feelings one can have and is critical in preventing and treating depression, anxiety and a whole host of other mental health challenges. Understanding its importance, as well as the difference between self-love and self-care, will greatly affect your outlook on life, as well as your physical and mental health.

Self-love, as described in the dictionary is; regard for one's own well-being and happiness (chiefly considered as a desirable rather than narcissistic characteristic). It is a NOUN. It is not a verb. It is not an action to be taken, it's a state of mind.

Self-care, as described in the dictionary is: the practice of taking action to preserve or improve one's own health or the practice of taking an active role in protecting one's own well-being and happiness, in particular during periods of stress. It is a VERB. It is something you do, an action you take. 

Understanding this distinction is critical to learning how to care for your physical and mental health. Taking a bubble bath is often tagged as a #selflove moment, while it's actually self-care. Thinking positive thoughts about yourself, your life and your present state, while in that bubble bath is a demonstration of the fact that you have love for yourself. 

So why do we care and does it really matter? We care because true self-love, like true love, takes time to nurture and develop. It's something that is continually changing and requires specific focus. In the same way marriage can be amazing, and then fall apart from neglect, so can your self-love. We are all born with plenty of love for ourselves! Need evidence? Watch a baby when he or she discovers their own face in a mirror. They are delighted to just be and see themselves. They have not yet learned to judge themselves and their appearance. No one has told them that they aren't enough. These thoughts and behaviors develop through childhood and are either reinforced or modified as we age. Learning how to perform specific actions to nurture our self-love through adulthood is how we preserve that relationship.

Here are a few ways you can check your own level of self-love:

1. Look yourself in the mirror and write down the first 5 things that come to mind. Are they positive or negative? Would you allow someone else to say that to you? or to your child?
2. Make a list of 5 things you love and 5 things you dislike about yourself. Was it hard to find things you love? Are the things you dislike something you can change?
3. Spend time alone without distractions. No books, music, TV or devices. Are you uncomfortable with your own thoughts? Do you find that you're desperate for distraction?

If you found yourself uncomfortable alone or lacking positive thoughts about yourself, you need to work on that relationship. You can use methods of self-care to begin to appreciate and love yourself, and your body. Meditation, affirmation statements, self-improvement books and podcasts, are great self-love processes and techniques that will help to begin that process. Starting new self-care routines can also improve your thoughts about yourself. Much of this is a huge part of the RENEW Masterclass curriculum. We work on addressing the negative thoughts and transform them to help you learn to love yourself again. 

Whatever methods and practices you choose, choosing to care for and eventually love yourself is more important than any other relationship you will maintain. A person who has enormous self-love is always a better partner, parent and friend. Take some time to asses your feelings and make some plans to nurture your self-love, ASAP!!