Studies have shown that ill-effects of marital stress for women are on par with more traditional health risk factors, such as physical inactivity and smoking. Women in unhappy relationships also have been known to have a higher risk of high blood pressure, abdominal obesity, high blood sugar, high triglycerides and low levels of "good" high-density lipoprotein cholesterol. (According to a study of 276 couples presented in the 2009 American Psychosomatic Society's annual meeting) Another study found that couples who have heated discussions for 30 minutes or longer, have poorer immune system responses than those who have more positive discussions. Being in an unhappy relationship causes stress levels to rise not just at home, but it spills over into your work day. High stress leads to high cortisol levels, higher blood pressure and a whole host of other issues. So how do you create a healthy relationship and what do you do if you're not doing so great now?

Yes, the problem may not be solely yours, but your behaviors, thoughts and beliefs can lead to negative relationships. If you feel insecure about yourself, if you dislike yourself, if you do not believe that you are worthy of love and respect, you will unintentionally seek out and find relationships to validate your thoughts. Focusing on your own self-love and positivity will help you to attract others who validate your positive beliefs. It will also help you to understand your loved ones and better navigate the conflicts that arise. 

Still doubting this idea? Think of it this way, when you buy a new car, you suddenly start to notice all of the cars on the road that are like yours. Does that mean that there was a sudden rush to buy that particular vehicle? No, you're now conscious and aware of its existence and unintentionally are noticing them more. The same is true for thoughts and feelings. If you believe you are not good enough, you will notice and hear any statements or actions that reinforce that belief. Someone could tell you how amazing you are one day and the next ask you why you didn't do _____. You will most likely remember the latter statement, and possibly dismiss the first as being insincere or untrue. 

None of this may be a surprise to you, but what might be surprising to you is that your toxic friendships can have these same effects. Friends, family members and coworkers can demand an incredible amount of our energy. In our efforts to be a good friend, good daughter, good sister, good whatever, we take on the problems and worries of others. Allowing yourself to be consumed by things that you can neither control, nor are your responsibility, can put unnecessary stress on your mental and physical health. Recognizing these relationships and situations for what they are is important. Distancing yourself or removing yourself all together is an important, yet difficult, course of action. I have found that it's easier done in degrees. Bowing out of a social engagement, avoiding a conversation or excusing yourself from a conversation once, and then again, will eventually help you detach from that person, without blatantly breaking off the relationship. Feelings of guilt and obligation keep us in unhealthy relationships, so it's important to remember why you need to break away. Choosing your own health and well-being over another's isn't selfish, it's necessary.

What about a great relationship? The opposite is true for a great relationship. Studies have shown that people who are in great relationships have lower cortisol levels, less stress, lower blood pressure and can even tolerate mild pain if they are thinking about their loved one. Some studies have even shown that continuously married people have a longer life expectancy!