Have you ever been with a group of your friends just observing other people, maybe in the office breakroom or Starbucks or the beach? It’s funny, sometimes the observations and assumptions you make about other women are all tied to lifestyle. One of my clients shared this experience with me last week. She and her friends noticed an acquaintance of theirs who looked to be in really good physical shape, and one of the friends commented that this acquaintance must not take good care of her kids. I was taken aback, and so many feelings came rushing to me at once: shock, anger, disbelief, and sadness. It struck me in my core why I started my coaching business almost five years ago. Women need to embrace the fact that self care isn’t selfish. 

You can’t have both, and other lies you tell yourself

It’s 2021. For decades and even centuries, our culture has been lying to you. You’ve been convinced to believe things that are just flat out not true. It’s time to break down the truth on how how harmful the stereotypes and the cultural expectations of women actually are. 

Our cultural bias tells us that when we see a woman leading a successful company, we can make assumptions about the rest of her life. Do you see her as being mom of the year? Probably not. Women have been told forever and ever and ever, if you're going to have a career, you can't be a good mom. And like in my client’s story, if you’re a good mom, you must be out of shape. These are falsehoods we’ve come to believe and accept. And you know what, it's just not true. 

You are amazing!

Stop and think for a moment. Think of yourself or of women you know. 

We are amazing beings. 

Women are powerful, amazing creatures. 

And we can literally do all the things. 

As you are holding thoughts of women in your life or women you know from the media, you can probably list hundreds upon thousands of examples of women who are achievers - business owners and moms, healthy and moms, and it goes on. 

We know the stereotypes aren’t true, yet, we still believe it. We tell ourselves that and accept it. 

The truth is, we have 24 hours in the day, and we have the power to choose what we do and where we spend our efforts. You can have it all, but first, I'll share why you should have it all. 

Why is self care not selfish? 

Picture yourself running a company. If you aren’t taking care of yourself, you can't be the best leader for that company. You’re tired, your brain is foggy, and you're probably taking sick days. The same is true for motherhood. If you're a mom, and you're so focused on taking care of your children that you don't take care of you. What happens when you get sick? What happens when you're tired and short tempered and you snap at your kids? 

It doesn't have to be that way. 

So many of us feel guilty for taking the time to take care of ourselves. Self care is not a luxury. It is a necessity. It is something that is crucial to your life. Self care is critical to your success as a mother, to your success as a leader, and to your success as a human being.

Get a little more worked up for that. 

4 steps to start incorporating more self-care 

If you are struggling to make time for self-care in your life, here are some strategies you can to take in order to do all the things and still take care of you. 

1.Figure out what you want. 

What do you want? What do you want most in the world? This is probably the number one question I ask my clients. What do you want? What is it you want? There are no right or wrong answers to this, so don’t worry about being “correct.” One of my clients told me she just wants to take a bath. She feels so stressed out and bogged down with her life that she didn't think she could even take a bath. Another client  just wanted to be able to eat chocolate, something she didn’t think she could do while she was eating healthy. These are simple things, but we make them so complex. 

What do you want?

2. Who or what gave you the belief that you shouldn't have it or you can't have it? 

The answer to this might take a little longer, and might involve some serious thinking and soul searching. You might discover it’s not just one “who,” it may be a lot of people. And similarly it may not be a single “what,” but rather a combination of things. Who or what is involved in the lie you're telling yourself. Is it that you can’t be a mom and be in good shape? Or that if you take care of yourself that you’re neglecting your kids? Is it that if you take time to meditate or read then you aren’t spending time keeping up the house and doing laundry? 

3. Argue with yourself. 

Here you need to fight like hell to prove to yourself that the belief you’re hanging onto isn’t true. You are worth fighting for!

You can be a good mom and go to the gym. That's why there's a daycare at the gym. Trust me, they love on your kids there. My son used to love the gym daycare so much he would cry if I told him we weren't going. Talk about accountability! 

4. Practice acceptance. 

Once you've argued with yourself, and you've proven that it's not true, you need to believe you can be a good mom and be healthy. You have to practice accepting that. Remind yourself all day, and catch yourself when the lie starts coming up. When you see you're trying to find evidence that you can't, I want you to flip it and say, “No I can do that. I can have both.” 

You're not the only one that feels like this. There are thousands upon thousands of women around the world that feel like this. 

I have found hours in a day for women like you to have more time for self care and help them get exactly what they want. I have seen women transform: they’ve left unfulfilling jobs, they have started businesses, their businesses have exploded, they’ve been more present in their lives, and they’ve admired their own body. You can live abundantly and have it all; you don’t have to live in scarcity and choose one. The thing about self care is that it creates a ripple effect. Schedule a call with me if you want to be the healthiest version of yourself, be an amazing home to run company, and have a little fun on the side too.